Confessions of a Worrisome Mother

Cameron has been a little on the irritable side lately. Usually when he gets like this I try to narrow in on what could be causing it. I have gotten pretty good at it in the last 16 months but this time around I just can't figure it out. He just got over an ear infection and his tubes seem to be working, so I don't think it's that. He has all of the teeth he is supposed to have at this stage, so no luck there. After going over all the usual suspects and coming up with nothing Cody and I had this exchange:

"Maybe he has the swine flu."

"Sarah. He does not have the swine flu! How in the world would he get the swine flu? And why do you do that?"

"Why do I do what?"

"Why do you automatically go to the worst, most improbable thing possible?"

In my defense, the swine flu wasn't my first thought, but I do realize how ridiculous the idea was and I really wasn't serious. I have always been a worrier and it has only gotten worse since I've become a mother. I mean, come on, can you blame me? The whole idea that I am completely responsible for the life of not one, but TWO human beings can be a little overwhelming at times! There are so many decisions that I have to make on any given day that will affect their health and well-being. And what can I say? THAT MAKES ME WORRY.

I realized after the aforementioned conversation with Cody that the things that I worry about are much different since having Cameron. I worried throughout his entire pregnancy because I had lost our second child. When my water broke a month early, I worried. When he was diagnosed with MRSA, I worried even more. When he bled out in the hospital for 2 and a half hours and I thought he might die.....you get the idea. I could go on with all the things that have happened with Cameron and have caused me much anxiety but I'll spare you. The point is, all of these things that have happened with him are things that you really never think are going to happen to you....until they do. It is at the point that you realize that if your one-month-old child can get MRSA, ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN.

So anytime something seems a little off with Cameron, my mind goes to the worst possible senario. That's something I never really did before and now it has almost become an automatic response for me. Because now that I've realized anything can happen (even though I knew it before, realizing it is a whole new ball game) I am always afraid that something will happen. This kind of goes back to my post last week about waiting for the other shoe to drop. It's exhausting at times because it's difficult to separate worry from that gut instinct that Moms have.

I am working on it though. I didn't actually take him into the doctor and ask for him to be checked for the swine flu. That's progress, right?