He's a New Man!

Back in May I finally decided that Cameron's hair was shaggy enough that I was going to have to break down and get it cut.  I wasn't avoiding it due to the fact that I'm a fan of the shag.  It was more due to the fact that I wasn't very optimistic about how it would go.  Our Parents-As-Teachers lady, Sandy (who is wonderful, by the way!), called her own hair dresser for me and discussed Cameron with her and asked if she'd be willing to attempt cutting his hair.  She does a lot of extended hours so we could go in the evening when no one else would be there, which I thought would be good.  She graciously said she would love to cut his hair!

So one Friday night while Grandma Lynn was here visiting, she and I took Cameron to get his hair cut while Cody stayed home with Owen.  We took milk, a snack, and a portable DVD player and I'm happy to report that Cameron hardly knew she was back there cutting on his hair.  He barely made a peep!  I didn't get any photos, however, because I was holding him in the chair.  Grandma got some with her camera though, so I'm hoping to see them soon!  But I do have some good before and after photos.

BEFORE:

AFTER:

 

Owen said, "Cameron is a new man!" 

He wouldn't stop long enough for me to get a good photo, so that's the best you get.  Unfortunately, it was only beginner's luck because I took him back a couple of weeks ago by myself, thinking it would be a breeze and it was not!  By the end of it, the hair dresser, myself, and Cameron were all sweating.  I think it's safe to say it was the longest 15 minutes of my life.  Or at least of that day. ;)  Thankfully, the hair dresser is one of the nicest people I have ever met and she was so understanding.  She doesn't even charge me what she normally charges because she said she thought I had enough stress in my life!  I've told Cody that he will be going to the next one.  I wouldn't want to deprive him of all the fun I'm having acting as a human straitjacket to what I think is the world's strongest 2-year-old.  That just wouldn't be fair, would it?

The Autism Roller Coaster

Well, we are almost 4 months to the day from Cameron's diagnosis.  The last 4 months have been such a roller coaster for me.  I can go from acceptance, to denial, to peaceful, to upset and depressed about all of this all in the same day.  I keep telling myself that he is alive and well and that is the most important part.  All the other stuff we can work with.  But then I see a child who is about his age bouncing around, talking, and interacting, and I can't help but go to the "if onlys" and "what ifs."

We are still doing therapy through Early Access.  Two women come twice a month to work with him.  It's very slow-going because he is very reluctant to do what you ask him to.  We also have a wonderful speech therapist who comes once a month.  Unfortunately, though, that is nowhere near enough.  So we have been working on getting him approved for a waiver through the state, which will help cover the cost for a lot more therapy.  He has occupational therapy and speech therapy evaluations at a place called Child Serve in early August.  I am really excited about that because this is a place that treats only children, so they are well-versed in kids with developmental disabilities.  We are also working toward getting him accepted into a program with The Homestead, where he would receive ABA (Applied Behavior Analysis) Therapy.  The Homestead offers both in-home therapy and on-site therapy.  We are just in the early stages of the application process so we are unsure as to which type we will end up going with.

I am just ready to get the ball rolling on all of this and see some results but, I must admit, the process is very difficult for me.  It is hard to be reminded everyday of the differences in your child and I am really struggling with it.  I have been practicing a lot of avoidance lately, which is partly to blame for the slow-moving wheels.  A future of unknowns is so difficult for me to face.  And teaching your child things that are supposed to come naturally to us as we grow is so frustrating, not only for me but for him as well.  It is all definitely a learning process as new sypmtoms emerge and we navigate these waters, which are oftentimes rough.

Two nights ago, Cameron woke up around 2 in the morning because he was having a difficult time breathing due to a cold.  He was screaming and crying and nothing we did would calm him.  We tried all of the normal tricks that usually help, but that night it just wasn't working.  After he screamed non-stop for nearly an hour, I decided I was just going to have to put him back in his crib and let him cry it out.  I turned to look at him as I walked out of his room and saw him put his belly over the crib rail and flip himself out of the crib.  He landed head first on the carpet, which resulted in more crying on both our parts.  I just stood there crying, praying for the strength to know what to do.

Cody came in to check on us because he heard it all on the monitor.  He tried to take Cam from me because I was crying but Cameron held on so tightly to me that Cody couldn't take him.  So I sat down in the rocker with him and we cried there together.  As I rocked him in my arms like I did when he was a baby, he fell asleep, clinging to me.  In that instance, my tears turned into happy tears.  He needed me.  Sometimes it feels as though I am just a vessle to getting him what he wants.  Like anyone else could do it for him as long as they do it correctly.  But that night I realized that not only does he know his mama, he wants me, too.  And he didn't want me to get him food or milk or turn on a movie for him.  He wanted me because he was scared.  He needed to be comforted and he needed it to be done by me.  And that felt pretty darn good.

It was also in that instance that I realized that not only does he need me to comfort him, but he also needs me to go to bat for him.  Cody and I are the two people he has in this world to count on to fight for him.  And that's exactly what we're going to do.  I just continue to pray everyday that God grants me the strength to do it.