Doing My Part

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.
         -Martin Luther King, Jr.

I saw this quote the other day and it really got me thinking.  In the last year, I have done a lot of contemplation.  I have always said that I was never cut out to be the mother of a child with special needs, even before I had one.  I'll never forget the moment it started to sink in with me that Cameron had bigger things going on than just an unwillingness to do things according to a doctor's timeline.  I had a complete breakdown.  Cody was with me and all I could keep telling him was that I couldn't do it.  I didn't have the strength to do it.

After months of contemplation and soul searching, I realized a few things.  The first one was that I didn't have a choice as to whether I wanted to "do this."  When I chose to bring my children into the world, I made a committment to be there for them, no matter the circumstance.  So, I pulled myself together and started showing up for Cameron, because it was my job.  In doing that, I was able to see him in a whole new light.  I started to see that my reluctance to accept his autism meant that I didn't accept him.  As parents, it is our job to love every part of our children, even the most difficult parts.  I never want my children to feel like I don't love them for exactly who they are.  And autism is who Cameron is.  It is, of course, not all that he is, but it is a big part of him.  And it is a part that I love wholeheartedly.

In the midst of all this soul searching, I also came to realize that I can do this.  And as much as I thought I was never cut out to be a special needs mom, I now see that it's exactly what I was meant to be.  I've reached an entirely new level of patience and understanding in the last year.  And that's all because of Cameron.  He has taught me so much in his short life.  So much more than I will ever teach him.  If there is ever a time that I am frustrated with him or stressed out over a situation, I just remind myself that as difficult as it is for me, it is 10 times more difficult for him.

I've also realized that as his mother, it is my job to be his voice for him.  It's my job to help the world see and accept him for the wonderful little boy that he is.  I've always said that I never wanted this to become an "autism blog."  I want it to continue to be a blog about our family's journey.  But, our journey includes autism.  So, in light of April being Autism Awareness month, I want to do a number of posts about Cameron and our everyday life with him.  I want to open the door to life with autism and show people what it's really like, even if it's just here on my little blog.  This is not in order to gain pity in any way, but to raise awareness.  I mean, let's face it, autism is growing in epidemic proportions.  There's a good chance that Cameron isn't the only child you know or will meet with autism.  I am always amazed when I tell different people about certain things that Cameron does and they are completely surprised.  They generally have no idea what autism entails.  And if those of us who live it everyday don't share our story, how can we expect anyone to understand what we go through?  So, I'm doing my part and refusing to be silent, because autism matters.  Cameron, and the million others like him, matter.  And it's my job to show you why.