Motherly Instincts

I still don't know what it is about being a mother that suddenly makes so many women so instinctual.  I guess carrying someone with you and having them grow inside you for 9 months gives you a certain insignt into a person.  Not to say that Dads don't know their children well.  But there's just something about that bond between mother and child.  I've always seemed to have this with all of my children, on both a small and large scale.  I can look at Owen and tell you when he's about to be sick.  As strange as it sounds, when we lost our second baby, I knew that something was wrong the night before.  I never said anything because I knew Cody would think I was crazy.  I even told the doctor when he told me there was no heartbeat that I wasn't all that shocked because I felt like something was wrong.  And when I when I went to my appointment shortly before Cameron was born, I told the doctor that I knew Cam was coming early.  He even commented after Cameron was born that he listens to those Motherly Instincts all the time because, as odd as it sounds, so many mothers are right.

Even though I've experienced it with all of my children, my instincts with Cameron seem to be very strong.  I'm not sure why.  Maybe it's because he has had so many issues in his short little life that I feel it's especially important for him to have an advocate.  It's almost like my instincts are on overdrive so I don't miss any important signs or signals with him.  For the better part of 6 months, those instincts have screamed at me that he is on the autism spectrum.  I can't say that I was necessarily ignoring my feelings, but I hoped like hell I was wrong.  As we went through therapies with Early Intervention, I clung to the hope that he would start to catch up.    Seven months later, he hasn't caught up.  Yes, he has come a long way and he has learned so many things.  But there are still so many things missing.

We went to the doctor for his 2 year well-check yesterday and shared our concerns with her.  She decided that it's time we head to Iowa City to the Child Development Center for an autism evaluation.  She could sense our frustration in what to do next, which is why she thought we should just go there and let the experts help us decide what our next course of action should be.  I asked if her she thought we were dealing with autism and she said she couldn't say for certain but that she was pretty sure he is on the spectrum.  But she did say that she has kids that they caught it this early who are now older and you would never know they are on the spectrum.  She said he does have a lot of red flags but that he also still has a lot of good points, too.

I called this morning to get his appointment.  The earliest they could see him is March 30th.  I'm not all that happy that we have to wait that long but I've heard stories of people waiting a year to get into a Developmental Pediatrician so I figure a couple of months isn't so bad.  The evaluation will be a team effort with a Psychologist, Speech Pathologist, and a Developmental Pediatrician observing him.  It takes 4 hours but thankfully we will start at 10am, go for 2 hours, give him a break for lunch, and then finish up the last 2 hours.  Grandma Debbie is on Spring Break that week, so she has offered to come up and stay with Owen that day so that Cody and I can go together.  Iowa City is about an hour from here, so it will be a full day for all of us.

I'm still working on what we're going to do until then.  His behavior has already changed from just a month ago and I'm afraid if we wait around another 2 months til the evaluation, he will be even worse.  So much research shows that the earlier the better with these kids.  So I think I'm going to call our case worker with EI and see what she suggests.

Please pray for us that we get the answers and direction that our little guy needs in order to achieve anything and everything he wants to in life.